Grief

You're sitting right in front of me at this Coffee shop that is just one block away from your workplace. You just asked me how I am, with a casual politeness and a casual smile on your face that confuses me, cause that's not what you expect in a situation like this. My mouth is open, waiting for the words to come out, but, truth is, I never really thought about what I would say when I ran into you. Then I start.
I start telling you I’m doing great, thank you. The place I work at, well, is awesome. It’s a national reference in my area, so I work with capable people, which are great in what they do. I see things work, and it’s not like I’m always bending over backwards to solve problems. Things work and I’m not overcharged (and I’m well paid for it. Yey!). Well, people there are great. They’re nice and gentle and smart and they speak low. You know I like that. They are funny and also critical. In a good way. You know I like that too.

The city has great logistic, no traffic, no violence, there’s the beach, the warm temperature, and the large sidewalks to walk. There are trees everywhere, and the sea breeze. I live near to everything I could possibly need. I go to the gym. I buy my own food. I cook my own food (you know how that is important to me).

I work hard and I study hard. I am climbing. You know I aim for greater things. I pray every day, I read every day. I do things I like and watch things I like. I hang around with friends (Yeah, I made a couple of great friends). I go out to dance and meet new people.

So, my life is great. I’m doing well. Every day I have at least one good reason to smile. And why am I sitting here telling you how great I am doing? Because I need you to understand that all my grief is gone.

When I departed, leaving you behind, I knew I was taking a risk, and I suffered for that. I’ve passed that phase when it seemed impossible to even breathe without you (that really sucked). So I went through that phase where it seemed really hard to eat and to sleep without you around. And I went through that phase where I didn’t want to go out or see a movie or even make new friends. And then I went through that phase where, despite I was just fine, I was quite sure I would never be happy again without you in my life.

Then, one day, I realized that I've been happy once without you in my life. And then the finding, the epiphany: yeah. I could be happy without you in my life. And just like that, the grief was gone. All the despair and all regrets were instantly washed away.

Then I came all the way through here, trying to track you down near to the place you work at, to say that, behind all these things, at the end of this journey, what I found, right there, waiting for me, was my love for you. My pure, sweet, patient, extant and understanding love for you. The inevitable truth.

Behind all those clouded and dark thoughts, I couldn’t see it so clearly. But I see it now. I hope there’s still time for you to take me back, cause now I’m ready to love you like I never could have done before.